Class Reunions Are Murder Read online

  Sawyer sat stiff as a board, like she was afraid to move and draw their attention.

  Like zombies to a fresh brain, the popular table drew more former cheerleaders to its ranks. In between selfies and tweets, Kelly said, “Poor Missy. Barb just steamrolls all over her. It’s got to be killing Barb not to be in charge.”

  Tina Winiecki joined the table. “You’ve got that right. She’s used to throwing money at a committee until she’s the head. But we elected Missy reunion coordinator twenty-five years ago and Barb can’t change that.”

  “Can you imagine if she was in charge of the reunion?” Paul said. “It would be one long night of Jell-O shots and pom-pom waterfalls. Instead of ‘Ode to Caper High’ we’d be singing ‘Ode to Barbie Pomeroy.’”

  Kelly took a group shot of the table on her smartphone. “Things haven’t been the same with her and Billy since the incident. And I know tonight had to be hard on her, seeing Billy with another woman. She never really got over him.”

  Kristen waved around a lamb chop. “Please. She has more booze in her right now than a frat house on spring break. And she cheated on Billy like a dozen times. She’ll have sex with anything that moves and she doesn’t care who she hurts.” She shoved the entire chop in her mouth up to the little paper bootie.

  “Dish, girl, what do you know?” Paul prodded.

  Kim swiped a crab puff off of Connie’s plate and popped it into her mouth. “Now it’s getting interesting.”

  We turned and watched the other table as Kristen picked up another lamb chop and used it to point around the room. “She slept with Kyle. Matt. Robbie.”

  “How can you stand to work on that campaign, Kelly? Don’t you have to spend time with her?” Paul asked.

  Kristen stuffed a prime rib slider in her mouth and said, “Ysmerfulfurf!” Then pounded the table with her fist.

  “She isn’t usually this bad. I think she’s just lashing out because Billy humiliated her. Besides, she isn’t there very often. She travels a lot on business for her company, Dynasty Cheer Academy, competing and scouting for Nationals. But Robert is just amazing; it’s exciting to be a part of something that’s going to make a difference.”

  “So her husband doesn’t care that she slept with several of the men in here?” Another former cheerleader joined the table.

  “I mean, really, I’m probably the only guy in here she hasn’t been with,” Paul said. “Although she has been giving me the eye. I think she wants a challenge.” He glanced nervously around the room.

  “If he knows,” Kelly answered while handing a napkin to Kristen, “he doesn’t let it affect their marriage. That’s all in the past anyway. As far as I know she’s been a faithful wife. They really love each other. Of course, we don’t spend a lot of time talking about Barb. Congressman Clark is very busy working on his initiative to provide healthy meals and snacks in public schools for all students so they will get at least five servings of fruits and vegetables during the day. We can’t help what they eat at home.”

  “Watch your back, Kelly,” Kristen warned through a mouthful of pear Camembert tart. “They may appear to be the perfect couple but you don’t know what goes on in private. You’re working very closely with him and if Barb feels like you’re a threat she’ll make it her goal to destroy you. One of these days someone will be fed up with her enough to put a stop to her bullying for good.”

  “Do you think that person would want any help doing the deed?” Kim asked, but apparently, we were in the cone of silence.

  Connie snickered.

  “What? I’m just saying I have a couple brothers who could be bought for a hoagie.”

  We sat there moving our food around trying to look like we weren’t eavesdropping on the other table. For a moment I caught a glimpse of Tim coming out of the kitchen to survey the buffet table and poke at one of the chafing dishes. I felt my heart drop an inch lower in my belly and had to force myself to let my breath out.

  Connie saw me see Tim. “Be calm. There’s no way he can see you way over here.”

  Tim looked really good in his starched white chef coat. What little he had aged had only been an improvement. Butterflies started thumping around in my chest, stirring up a smattering of guilt. You have no business having butterflies or anything else with John barely gone six months. I was relieved that Tim didn’t notice me and a little hurt that he didn’t even try to spot me. If I had been in his shoes, I would have been spying from the kitchen with binoculars.

  A squeal erupted from the next table and I looked up to see that Amber had made her way into the cafeteria and Kelly was rushing over to give her a hug. “Oh, A-Bomb. I haven’t seen you in forever. You’re so tan! How’ve you been?”

  “I’m good. Busy. You know, my job keeps me on the go.”

  “Can you believe Barbie tonight, that cow? So inappropriate!” Paul got up and pulled a chair over for Amber from the next table without asking if anyone sitting there minded.

  Kristen muttered something imperceptible followed by a harrumph and a stab of her fork in the air for emphasis.

  “I know, right.” Paul must be gifted in interpretation of tongues.

  “Well, some people never change. What can you do? I’ll be right back. I’m going through the buffet, I’m starving.”

  Only a skinny girl would admit she’s hungry in public.

  Amber walked away from the group, which began talking about her the moment she was out of earshot.

  “Are you sure that’s her original nose?” Paul asked.

  “I think she’s holding up very well, all things considered,” Kelly added.

  Sawyer giggled. “It sounds just like an episode of The Real Housewives of South Jersey. It’s just killing me not to turn around in my seat and watch.”

  A crack of lightning illuminated the cafeteria, reminding us that Mavis would be making an appearance tonight.

  A roll of thunder was heard in the distance.

  Kim narrowed her eyes and announced, “Uh-oh. Something wicked this way comes. It’s a little early for our heart-to-heart, isn’t it?”

  “Well, now, I must have wandered into the pound because all I see is a bunch of dogs at this table.” A tall, leggy blonde with long fake fingernails and glued-on eyelashes was swaying before us with one hand on her hips and the other clutching an empty shot glass. A very handsome life-size Ken doll in a tux was fidgeting behind her.

  So much for Sawyer’s apology theory.

  “Oh my God, it’s Malibu Bimbo Barbie” was Kim’s icy challenge to the woman who made our lives miserable for four years. “And she’s three sheets to the wind.”

  “What are you wearing, loser? You know there is a fine line between retro and ridiculous?” Kim just smiled a patronizing smile and refused to play Barbie’s game.

  “And what the crap are you wearing, McAllister? That’s a dress for a much younger, much thinner woman. You look like a My Little Pony float in the St. Patty’s Day Parade.”

  “Is this your way of saying you want to be BFFs? ’Cause it needs work.”

  “I don’t want to be friends with you, you loser. And you”—she turned on Connie next—“1970 called, it wants its hairstyle back.”

  “I was hoping you wanted to make amends. High school is over, Barbie. We don’t care what you think about us anymore.”

  “High school is over, Barbie.” Barbie’s mouth curled up in an ugly sneer as she mimicked Connie’s words.

  The Ken doll whispered, “Let’s just go, dear. I feel like dancing.” He gave his shoulders a little jiggle to the beat of the music in his head and glanced at Sawyer, pausing as he noticed her for the first time. His eyes roved greedily over her and he flashed a wide grin of appreciation.

  Barb kept her eyes on Connie. “Shut up, Robert! Make yourself useful and go get me another drink why don’t you.”

  “Okay, darling. Anything for my baby.” Robert trotted off to the bar like a faithful cocker spaniel in search of his mistress’s slippers.

 
Barbie turned from Connie and leveled cold, unfeeling eyes at Sawyer. “I see your ex-husband has traded up from the scrawny old model he had before.”

  Sawyer went pale. Barbie had gone right for the jugular.

  “Of course, who can blame him?” She leaned in close to whisper in Sawyer’s ear. “Rumor has it that flat-chested and frigid just didn’t satisfy him. Oh, wait a minute, he was talking about you, wasn’t he? Oops.”

  In one moment she had reduced us to being awkward fifteen-year-olds all over again. Sawyer’s knuckles were white from gripping the table and she was breathing heavily. I stood up to face Barbie.

  “You are so full of silicone and tequila that when you die they won’t need formaldehyde to preserve your dead carcass. You know, I used to envy you. You were so pretty with so many friends. But that’s not who you are anymore. I’m glad I came tonight so I could see how the prom queen grew up to be the Wicked Witch. Why don’t you move on before someone drops a house on you?”

  The cafeteria was suddenly silent, and I could feel people staring at us. That had come out like a threat, and my fists were balled up.

  Kim interjected, “And take that flying monkey Joanne with you.”

  “No one here is interested in whatever you had to tell us. Not now and not later. We’re over you.”

  “Yeah!” Kim let out a whoop of victory and Connie was nodding her head in silent agreement.

  Barbie leaned in toward me and I could smell the booze on her breath. She looked me up and down with disgust. “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t have anything to tell you except that time hasn’t been good to you, Poppy McAllister. It’s made you fat and dumpy. It’s no wonder Tim dumped you so long ago. Men don’t like fat women. Especially ones that will sleep with any frat boy that comes along. How is your bastard child anyway?”

  She turned to go but Sawyer was out of her seat and pouncing on her like a lion taking down a gazelle.

  “You are the most hateful, bitter person I’ve ever known! You are as ugly on the inside as you think you are beautiful on the outside! You can take your note and shove it!”

  In a split second, Sawyer had Barbie on the floor and was on top of her throwing punches. Barbie lay there whimpering, covering her face with her hot pink, manicured talons. A small crowd formed, including Amber and Joanne. Joanne looked positively gleeful for the excitement until she saw Barbie was on the bottom.

  “Stop! Stop! You’re hurting her!” Joanne flung herself over Barbie’s body like a protective mother hen.

  I pulled Sawyer off of Barbie and she was still punching at the air as Amber stepped in and screamed at me to get Sawyer out of there. “What is wrong with you all? You’re acting like children.”

  Barbie spat out a little blood along with a string of obscenities that would make the Marines blush, while Amber pressed one of Paul’s paisley silk handkerchiefs to Barbie’s nose to stop the bleeding. “Kristen, can we get an ice pack and some gauze from your office?”

  Barbie’s husband, Robert, hadn’t been much help to this point. He’d just stood there holding her vodka tonic and what appeared to be a pink squirrel. Ken handed the drinks to Kelly, who appeared right by his side and put his arm around his wife’s shoulders to accompany her to the nurse’s office just down the hall by the gym.

  “Stay there, Robert!” Barbie violently shrugged Robert’s arm off and leaned on Amber for support.

  “Ooh-kay,” Amber sighed as she half-supported, half-carried Barbie through the double doors out of the cafeteria with Joanne trotting dutifully behind. Kristen led the group away to put some ice on Barbie’s swelling eye while I tried to get Sawyer calmed down.

  “That was awesome!” Kim handed Sawyer a ginger ale. “You took her down like Pretty Boy Johnson at Madison Square Garden. She didn’t even see you coming.”

  “Man, you really decked her,” Connie said. “Have you been taking some kind of class for that?”

  Sawyer was still a bit shaken up and trying to catch her breath. “No, that was a combination of growing up with two older brothers and years of pent-up rage.” She looked at her hand. “Aww, I think I broke a nail.”

  I cocked an eye at her. “Do we need to airlift you to the hospital?”

  She sipped at her ginger ale. “I got a little carried away when I heard those awful things she said to Poppy.”

  I patted her shoulder. “I know. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m so sorry I made you come tonight.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s just words. I don’t care what Barbie thinks.”

  If I didn’t care, then why did I feel like eating a gallon of peanut butter ice cream and crying? Barbie’s hateful words did bring up a fresh wave of pain, but I didn’t want Sawyer to know that. She was about to get hit by a tidal wave of her own. Kurt was on his way over with Tonia Lipinski.

  Chapter 9

  “Hey, Cracker Jack, are you okay?”

  Sawyer sat rigid and at first I wasn’t sure she had even heard Kurt. We all held our breath to see how she would handle her ex-husband, who in typical Kurt fashion lacked the common sense to leave his scantily clad, stiletto-wearing date at the bar when he came over to talk.

  “We saw what happened from across the room. Hashtag best reunion ever!”

  Sawyer slowly turned to look at the platinum blonde in the sheer white minidress, then looked Kurt in the eye. “I’m fine.”

  Then Kurt’s date chimed in with a breathy “Oh, wow. You really clobbered her good. Kurt said you had a mean left hook.”

  Great, I see Kurt is still picking Mensa candidates for dates.

  Sawyer narrowed her eyes at Kurt, “He did, did he?”

  “Oh, yeah. Good for you. I’m Tonia, by the way. But nowadays everyone calls me by my stage name: Honey Moon.” She offered a dainty hand that supported an enormous charm bracelet that must have weighed two pounds.

  Sawyer ignored the hand and took a sip of her ginger ale. “Yep, that sounds about right.”

  Sawyer had played this game too many times. Their relationship had been doomed from the start. Kurt was totally committed to Sawyer. Unless she was out of his sight. Then he was totally committed to Kurt. What Kurt wanted. Who Kurt wanted. It was rumored that Kurt had slept with half of the women in Cape May County. He was charming as all get-out but couldn’t keep it in his pants to save his life. It took seven years before Sawyer had had enough and their marriage finally imploded into divorce.

  “Listen, Cracker Jack, don’t let Barbie and her pathetic little clique get to you. They’ve always been jerks.”

  “Thanks, but I’m fine. I’ve got my girls here to back me up.”

  “I know that’s right,” Kim said, cracking her knuckles.

  I took a protective step closer to Sawyer and shot ice daggers at Kurt.

  “You can go back to your date.” Sawyer gave Kurt a piercing look and his eyes turned to liquid pools of regret.

  Tonia tugged on Kurt’s arm. He gave Sawyer a terse nod, and they left to reclaim their table on the other side of the room.

  “I need some air. I’ve got to get out of here for a minute, girls.” Sawyer’s voice quivering, she grabbed her purse and started for the double doors.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” I reached for my clutch, but she shook her head no.

  “I need a minute alone. I’ll be right back.”

  Sawyer left the cafeteria, and I stewed in my helplessness. She was in pain. Wasn’t this the whole reason I was here instead of home with Sara Lee? To back Sawyer up so she didn’t get hurt by Barbie or Kurt. I could see my former classmates uploading the video from their smartphones. Before I got home to Aunt Ginny’s the whole town would be able to see the catfight on Facebook and YouTube. What a nightmare. I hated New Jersey.

  We sat in silence for a while trying to make sense of what had just transpired until Connie broke the tension. “Who knew Sawyer was so scrappy?”

  “I know, right?” Kim gushed. “I mean she
seriously walloped Barbie.”

  “A person can only hold on to so much before they snap.”

  I checked the time on my phone. “She’s been gone awhile. I’m gonna go check on her and see if she needs anything.”

  “Ask her if she needs some ice for her knuckles,” Kim joked.

  I left the cafeteria and walked down the hall past the nurse’s office. The lights were on, but the door was closed. I passed the gym on my left, where I heard Missy giving out a Lifetime Achievement award to some teacher.

  Missy. Psshh. That girl needs to get a clue. She’s living in a Disney Channel sitcom if she believes life is “awesome-sauce” for everyone. In a few more hours I’ll have this rathole town in my rearview mirror and I’ll return to my safe little nest in Virginia. I’ll get one of John’s old partners to mediate for Aunt Ginny and this whole ugly weekend will be behind me.

  One of the double doors was hanging open and a wicked wind was whipping through the foyer causing the unclaimed name tags to blow off their tables.

  Still, all in all I think tonight was a success. Tim didn’t see me. And we finally got to stand up to Barbie and Amber and that weasel Joanne. Too bad so many people had to see it. Although I do know a few who would like to have seen Barbie put in her place once and for all. I was so afraid I would end up looking like a loser. Thank God for Creepy Carl and middle-aged used car salesmen.

  I turned down the main hall looking left and right for signs of Sawyer walking it off. Poster boards advertising various after-school clubs and sports tryouts hung on the walls above the long bank of gray lockers. Nothing down B hall. Nothing down . . . wait a minute. Who was that? Someone was lying down at the end of C hall in front of our old lockers. Please, dear God, don’t let it be Sawyer. Was she so distraught that she slipped and fell?

  I turned to walk down the dark hall toward her. Something wasn’t right. My heart was pounding through my chest and a sickening fear clawed its way up the back of my neck. My heart said move faster but my legs were made out of lead.

  Why is she just lying there? Why does she have pompoms?

  A flash of lightning lit up the hall and I saw her eyes open and staring vacantly and the room started to spin. The crack of thunder shook the walls and lockers rattled on their hinges. It wasn’t Sawyer.